Game Over eng
by HellsHighness
Summary: Idiots are Idiots are Idiots. ** ZoSan ** English Version


Title: Game Over

Author: Sayuka

Rating: PG-15

Warnung: bad sarcasm, Sanji's mouth

Pairing: ZoSan

Word Count: 1082

Disclaimer: Not mine. Really.

A/N: I'm not a native speaker so please excuse the grammar, spelling and everything else, too. Constructive criticism appreciated.

"Oi, blondie, how much do I have to pay to get a piece of your ass?"

He turned his head to the speaker, lifted a curled eyebrow, eyed the idiot-of-a-pirate up from head to toe and rested his gaze upon his face. He was not only an idiot but an ugly one to boot, too. Minus 20 points for ugliness and minus 50 for sheer dumbness. He seriously doubted guys like that one even looked at 'Wanted' posters anymore. Even if his bounty still wasn't up to his real value (seriously, 77 million berry? He had expected more for nearly reducing one of the infamous CP9 to ashes and in general declaring war upon the World Government with a bunch of lunatics...) it still exceeded the one from Idiot by far. Not a question, a statement. And even if that were a possibility, his company was quite well known in pirate fields (and others for that matter). But the pitiful idiot seemed to be exceptionally stupid. Make that minus 80 points for sheer dumbness.

Current score: - 100.

"What is it, pretty boy, cat got the tongue? Should I ask your Capit'n?"

Minus 50 for 'pretty boy'.

With this Idiot turned to Luffy who was shovelling bad food and even worse rum into his mouth and seemingly ignoring his surroundings like usual. Seemingly the key word in there. With the gum-gum-monster one never knew.

He had to give some credit to The Worlds Biggest Idiot™. He got that one right on the first try. Plus three points. Hm, make that four because he was such a great guy. Really. All nice and courteous. For a pirate anyway.

"Oi, you with the straw hat" – and that should have made the brain-dead idiot realize who he was talking to but as things stand – "how much do I have to pay for an hour with your little cabin boy, here? With that pretty mouth of his he should be extraordinary talented."

Such big words for a brain-fried dumbass.

Next to him he could feel his Zoro getting all tense and moving his hands to his swords. How interesting. Ten points for Idiot to get his lover all tensed up and seething. Only the real big idiots got Zoro that far.

Current score: -136

Luffy had stopped eating, his hand still hanging in the air from trying to snag Sanji's food. (Good riddance to that, as if he ever could eat something that...eurgh...He would more easily juggle three lethal and enormous spiders than eat that). He blinked at Idiot, cocked his head, munched thoughtfully just to point his hand at his Zoro and say (while spewing parts of his dish in all directions, of course):

"Well, I'm not sure about that but you could ask Zoro. He's the only one of us who knows Sanji's mouth that way."

If it was possible Marimo-head behind him got even tenser. Idiot, he had told the man several times that no-one could get anything past Luffy and thus in extension the crew because their capit'n couldn't hold a secret even if it killed him. And their efforts – or lack thereof – to keep their relationship a secret weren't much to talk about either. He had to remember to get Luffy some really nice steak. Good capit'n.

As the dumber-than-dumb asshole really started to turn to his green-haired monster he decided to end this farce. Seriously, dumbness needed to be punished.

Thus he reached into his jacket, pulling forth a pack of cigarettes, fingering for a fag and putting it between his lips. He stood, lit his cigarette at the candle that sat on their table and inhaled deeply. Then he turned to the winner of the Dumbest Pirate Ever Championship™ and blew the smoke in his face. Idiot stumbled over the words he had tried to spout and coughed. Behind him sounded the creaking of wood as his muscle-package leaned back to enjoy the show.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you little piece of sh"

"Shut up, dumbass."

That resulted in a dropped jaw. The guy had neither expected him to have a smoker's voice nor him to be a bit taller than him. Idiot. Looks did not tell everything about a person. His marimo-headed lover was the best example. Minus another 30 points. He stepped next to the guy and put his arm around his shoulders in a show of false brotherhood.

"Now listen up, dearest. You see that guy with the straw-hat over there? Yes? That's Monkey D. Luffy. Future Pirate-king." – At this Luffy looked up, grinned one of his maniac grins and went back to his food – "He's got a 300 million Berry bounty on his head. That green-haired idiot over there is Roronoa Zoro. Only known user of the Santoryuu sword style and with a bounty of 120 million Berry." – Zoro, sitting with legs spread wide, a demonic grin on his face – "I hope you've got now, whom you're talking to."

During his speech Idiot seemed to have gotten a sudden bout of inspiration because he felt a badly hidden shaking of the body beneath his arm. As Zoro stood up and strolled over to them, he could nearly smell the guy's fear. In the background he heard Usopp's and Chopper's snickering. Zoro sneered down at Idiot, having the proud task to give the last piece of information.

"And our so called 'cabin boy' is Black Leg Sanji, bounty of 77 million Berry, and first and foremost my bitch."

That said Zoro pulled Sanji flush against him and kissed him hard. Their tongue-play wild, passionate and intense, their bodies entwined. While they were lost in each other's mouths, Idiot tried to get away quietly and discretely. But as it was with idiots such as this, he was found out and quite effectively snagged back by Luffy. Without even breaking the kiss, Sanji lifted his leg and hit Idiot first in the face and then between his legs. Asshole. Served him right for disturbing respectable pirates.

Idiot fell down, all the while whimpering and snivelling and grieving for his lost manhood. Not giving a rat's arse, Sanji pulled his not-so-unwilling partner out of the stinking bar into a stinking corner.

He needed to lose his built up frustration. 'Pretty boy'?? What the fuck had that ass been thinking? Scratch that. Guys like that could not think. And they never learned. Ah, well, all the more fun for him.

Current score: Game Over.

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